OB/Gyn FREE Class

Lesson 5: Talking with your Doctor about Sex

Class Instructor: Dorrie Lane

Did you know anything you discuss with your doctor is confidential?

A good relationship with your doctor is based on how comfortable you feel speaking frankly about your sex life and current practices. Usually, a written sex history is taken during your first visit, you typically fill out a form and your doctor would ask questions to complete your sexual picture. Of course this varies from doctor to doctor and based on your interaction, will help you in finding one with whom you are comfortable talking with. It is essential that you feel safe and you sense of equality in your conversations.

Many doctors assume you are heterosexual. A recent study on women and cervical cancer found an unusual high number of Lesbian identified women with the disease. Further research discovered many Lesbians were reluctant to have an annual pelvic exam (after the age of 20), because they were perceived as heterosexual and were un-willing to "come out" to their doctor. They avoided getting an annual pelvic exam, with dire consequences. Unfortunately, being an out Lesbian can put your whole life at risk in some places, you could lose your job, custody of your children or your family could abandon you. A sensitive doctor doesn't make any assumptions and uses a variety of interviewing methods to get an understanding of your sex life. Most of us feel our sex life is very private and we only reveal what feels safe. The degree a physician is aware, accepting and appreciative of their own sexuality, correlates to the degree they are able to be accepting and non-judgemental to your sexuality.

Here are some sex questions a good physician would ask, given to my teacher, Norma Wilcox from Dr. Robert Oliver.

How are you doing sexually?
How do you experience sex?
What meaning does sex have for you?
Do you consider yourself sexual?
How do you have sex?
Have you always experienced sex this way?
Is there anything that you know about your pelvis that you would like to tell me?
Has anything happened pelvically, vaginally, or genitally that you haven't told anybody, and would like to talk to me be about?
Would you like to talk to me about how your pelvic pain is affecting how you relate with your partner now?
I know that you are troubled, I won't laugh or do anything to make fun of you.
Oh, that question really troubled you didn't it?
In response to body language, a grimace, frown, or sigh--What is going on? What was that thought you had just a moment ago?

Good communication is essential for good health care. You are just as responsible as your physician, it's a two way flow of information. Knowing how to ask questions, how to assert yourself so you get answers that you understand is the end result you are looking for. Here are some tips:

Be Clear. Bring a list of questions and concerns with you, along with any physical symptoms and medications you are taking.
Be honest and straightforward. Your doctor should be aware of your alcohol and drug use. Your diet and exercise lifestyle.
Write down any recomendations, tests, specialists, treatment and medications and be sure you understand why.
Don't be afraid to ask the same question more than once, ask that information be stated in simple, non-medical terms.
If your doctor or his staff does or says something that makes you feel uncomfortable, let them know.
Ask for a mirror so you can see your vulva, your cervix and especially your os.

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